I don’t spend a lot of time on pinterest. I get overwhelmed easily by it and actually, rebelled for many years because I didn’t want to add another social media platform to my regimen. Anyway, a couple weeks ago while randomly on pinterest, I stumbled across a blog post. I was encouraged by that particular post because just the day before I was sharing similar feelings with a dear friend of mine. It is very relatable and well written that I struggled with whether or not I should write my own open letter too. But after careful thought and prayer, I’m taking her advice. So here’s my open letter: 

[photo credit: Tina Wood Creative]

What a blessing you are! I am incredibly blessed to have you in my life and to call you friend. The love, mercy and compassion of God shines through you to me and I am especially grateful.

I know that at times it may be difficult to know how to engage me, especially if we have been friends since before our first blessed saint, Casey Francis. A lot has happened since then and I know I have changed a lot. I know that I can be stand-offish at times. That I may remove myself from a conversation when topics of pregnancy/babies arise. That I cannot fully share in the joys or struggles of your pregnancy and/or parenting of children. That I have not had enough strength to attend your baby shower. Or ‘like’ every update you have posted.

I am weak. I am broken.

Yet, despite all that, you have chosen to journey with Rex and I through the awkwardness and uncertainty of our grief. You have stood by us through it all. When society pushes us to have a “if it is difficult, then avoid it” mentality you have risen above that to be counter-cultural and help us carry our cross. For that, I am indebted to you, my dear friend.

Thank you.

Thank you for your friendship.

Thank you for listening and understanding.

Thank you for your compassion and empathy, especially to those among you who have not suffered the loss of a child.

Thank you for rejoicing and praising God for each new life we have been blessed with.

Thank you for grieving with us and not scattering when the painful news breaks.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom on how to cope with grief, especially for those who have suffered the loss of a child.

Thank you for challenging me to be a better version of myself.

Thank you for recognizing that the waves of grief ebb and flow.

Thank you for being a shoulder for me to cry on.

Thank you for joining me in lighting a candle on October 15 for the Wave of Light to remember our blessed babies.

Thank you for taking care to announce your pregnancy to me with a tender and loving heart by telling me in an intimate and personal way.

Thank you for acknowledging that any pregnancy announcement may be difficult.

Thank you for being mindful and letting me know ahead of time that you will be making a public pregnancy announcement.

Thank you for being cognizant that seemingly normal pregnancy/babies conversations might be a struggle for me.

Thank you for inviting me to your baby shower and for understanding if I am unable to attend for whatever reason.

Thank you for the flowers.

Thank you for keeping me grounded when others are inconsiderate (even unintentionally) and hurtful.

Thank you for the Mother’s Day cards and words of encouragement.

Thank you for the gifts that memorialize our blessed babies.

Thank you for offering sacrifices and prayers through your pregnancy for my family.

Thank you for leaving homemade cookies at our doorstep.

Thank you for acknowledging that there is a father’s pain too and offering your time to meet and pray with Rex; father to father.

Thank you for sharing religious items, prayer cards and books that have helped you in your own struggle.

Thank you for sending texts of love, scriptures and words of encouragement.

Thank you for being the kind of friend who is willing to lay down one’s life for one’s friend.

Thank you for the countless prayers you have offered for my family.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life journey, no matter what your family structure looks like.

Thank you for encouraging me to blog and leaving messages of love through comments and texts.

Thank you for coffee dates to have heart to heart conversations.

Most of all, thank you for being my Simon of Cyrene and bearing the weight of my cross.

All these, in big and small ways, are lights in the darkness of my grief. You listened to the Holy Spirit, who prompted you to reach out. Know that it was always at a time when I needed it the most. You, my friend, are a gift. I thank God for your life and your presence in my life.

I don’t know what the end of my story is but I am thankful to know I have a friend like you by my side for this journey we call life.

Heavenly father, thank You for my dear compassionate friend. You know how much I have needed them in my life and You have so generously blessed me with several. God, please continue to bless them in their lives. Holy Spirit, help guide me to a better friend to them each day.

“Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; who ever finds one finds a treasure. / Faithful friends are beyond price, no amount can balance their worth. / Faithful friends are like life-saving medicine; those who fear God will find them.” Sirach 6:14-16

I love you, my dear compassionate friend.

Praying for you,

Rachel