From this to this. (My awesome neighbor, Nancy, made the baptismal gown) I don’t remember when or how I stumbled on the idea to make a baptismal gown out of your wedding dress, but I know it was sometime before we were married. I remember storing my dress hoping it would be transformed relatively soon, perhaps within a year or two.

One or two years turned into five years, which then turned into maybe before I’m 30. And that turned into, maybe it’s just not meant to be.

Over the years, I was tempted at various times to get rid of my dress. It seemed silly to hang on to it “just in case,” but despite the temptation there still remained a sliver of hope. Through that sliver of hope and after all these years, I am grateful I kept my dress.

Zelie’s baptism was on the feast for the Holy Family during Sunday Mass. What a beautiful and humbling blessing for her baptism to be on such a meaningful feast surrounded by her ten siblings as heaven kisses earth.

For days leading up to her baptism, Rex kept saying that he was going to be a mess. I, on the other hand, had no idea how I was going to be.

Despite caring for Zelie all day, there are countless moments where it still seems surreal. Perhaps that’s sleep deprivation or the weight of all the years of grief.

But she’s here. A baby to hold and raise here on earth, is here. My daughter is here, and although she will never erase the grief of losing her siblings, she has brought a tender healing to my heart.

With the busyness of caring for a newborn and the holidays, baptism day came quickly. As we processed into the church, I became so overwhelmed by emotions.

I thought of all the times that I had walked into that very church offering my heart and desires to be pregnant. I thought of all the times I walked into that church joyful, yet scared with every pregnancy, while wondering if I’d still be pregnant the following week. I thought about all the times I walked into that church grieving the loss of our children. I thought all of the other baptism I’ve witnessed over the years of friends and strangers, always wondering if there would ever be a day that we would be the ones seeking baptism for our child.

By God’s grace that day had finally arrived and oh, what a glorious day it was.

As I looked down at Zelie’s sweet face, I couldn’t hold back the tears. The tears of overwhelming joy, indescribable gratitude and a humbling reverence.

Seeing her in the gown made from my dress brought me back to our wedding day. To the moment when Fr Peter asked me that defining question during his homily. Also to the moment when we said our vows and became a family.

The Mass and her baptism was wonderfully beautiful. We were surrounded by friends and family, some who were there when we said our vows. Many of which who have shown up for us through our grief and have offered countless prayers for our family.

This little girl is so loved. Words could never fully express what life has been like since Zelie was born. She is an answered prayer for us and for those who have been praying for us over the years, too. We are so grateful that God has blessed us with eleven beloved children. We are even more humbled that He has entrusted us with Zelie’s precious soul.

Zelie, welcome to family of God. In Him you have been baptized. Alleluia.

Holy Family, pray for us.

Praying for you,
Rachel

Blessed are all who fear the LORD, and who walk in his ways. Psalm 128:1