I have a love/hate relationship with Mother’s Day. Hate may be too strong, but I’ve never really been a fan of “hallmark” holidays.

On top of that, for years I was in this awkward place of being a mother, yet not having any of my children here on earth to celebrate with. A place where family and friends may not recognize or acknowledge my motherhood. A place where I had to put a smile on my face and celebrate other mothers, while the aches of grief stung my heart. A place where Rex and I would privately do our own special thing.

As incredibly awesome it is to have Z here earthside this Mother’s Day, it’s important to note that part of me will always grieve not having her older siblings here too. Not because I’m stuck in the past but rather it is recognizing my reality and how the past, with God’s grace, has shaped me into who I am today. Perhaps as the years pass, my heart won’t ache as much.

Despite the struggle, I am beyond grateful.

I’m grateful for my husband, who with God, we became co-creators to eleven irreplaceable lives. I am grateful for our ten beloved saints in heaven constantly praying and interceding for us. I am grateful for everyday with Z and am humbled to be entrusted with her precious soul.

There will always be a special place in my heart for those who struggle with this holiday. For mamas who have lost a child whether it was two days ago or fifty years ago; and whether they were five weeks gestation or into their young adult years. For women who have a deep desire to be a mother but bear the cross of infertility. For those who have a strained relationship with their own mother. For those who have lost their mother, whether recently or years ago.

I see you and I’m praying for you.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas – birth mothers, adoptive mothers, foster mothers, godmothers, spiritual mothers, and bereaved mothers!

Mama Mary, mother of God and mother to us all, pray for us.