As I reflect back on our third trimester, it was whirlwind and so, so, so surreal. I know I said that as I reflected on our first and second trimesters. The truth is the entire pregnancy was surreal – almost like an out of body experience. So many times I would catch myself wondering if it was all real.

After years of grief and feeling like my body has failed me, every morning I would wake up and see myself in the mirror amazed at what my body was doing – growing a human. It was doing what I had hoped it would do every time I saw those two pink lines. In awe and wonder of God’s goodness, I would simply offer a prayer of thanksgiving, “Thank you, God, for another new day with this little one.”

Over seven years ago when I was pregnant for the first time with Casey Francis, we made the decision to wait until the birth to find out the gender. So as this pregnancy progressed, it was no different. We honestly didn’t care about the gender. We just hoped that we would finally have a baby to hold in our arms.

However I must admit that days prior to our 36 week ultra sound appointment, I was tempted to find out the gender only because we were having a hard time settling on a name. Rex had all kinds of ideas but none that I found agreeable for either gender. I thought we could secretly find out and not tell anyone in hopes we could settle on a name if we eliminated one gender. The temptation quickly faded and we went into our appointment determined to keep it a surprise. We had made it so far. Why ruin it when we were so close to the end?

In August, we began praying the 54-day rosary novena with the intention of a healthy and safe labor & delivery and a name for our child. We’ve prayed various nine-day novenas over the years and without fail we would miss a day or two and need to make up the prayers the following day. However, this time we were diligent to praying together every day (more on the birth story and meaning of the name in another post).

It was a blessing that it was summer for most of my third trimester. Aside of always being too hot, I was able to rest and put my feet up whenever I needed or wanted to. By the time school started, I was 33 weeks so the end was near. Transitioning from summer to full-on school hustle is tiring enough when I’m not pregnant, but I managed to start off the year and work until I was 39 weeks.

Although I could feel baby’s movements consistently, I would catch myself anxious and wondering, “when was the last time I felt baby?” Baby was so active that I would say that they are taking after their father. Anyone who knows Rex in real life knows he’s like the energizer bunny. Baby would move all throughout the day and was most active as I was trying to sleep.

Baby’s movements became so a part of my day that the excitement of telling Rex every time I felt baby began to fade, which I hadn’t even realized until Rex asked if I felt baby lately. He was worried because I hadn’t said anything to him. From there on out, I tried to be consciously aware of baby’s movements whenever I was with Rex and share with him.

As annoying it may have been at times or uncomfortable I was becoming, I was so incredibly grateful for it all – the frequent bathroom trips, weight gain and stretch marks, leg cramps, tingling in my hands, swollen hands and feet, fatigue, forgetfulness and whatever else I am forgetting. 🤣 Pregnancy after loss has taught me more than ever to not take for granted the gift of life.

Other highlights from this trimester:

We continue to be so honored and humbled by the outpouring of God’s love and grace through the people He has placed in our lives. Thank you for being willing to journey with us through it all and whatever God has for us in the future.

Praying for you,

Rachel